Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Cadbury Cream Egg

The people at Cadbury have a giant metaphysical flame-thrower. Here's the scenario. Three dudes clad in fucking bad ass metal chains and leather boots go hiking through the Valley of Dreams. Their mission: to hunt down dream magic and set it on fire and then stuff the inside of their Cream Eggs with the bounty.

-Handjob dreams.
-Winning the lottery dreams.
-Owning a pony dreams.
-Coming first place in a hotdog eating contest dreams.
All that shit is magic that can be harvested for their selfish ends.

They don't even care that the Dreams are screaming; they'll burn those mothers down for your benefit. They're like "Fuck you dreams. Look at our boots: leather. We obvi don't give a fuck about you. We're fucking bad ass dream melters." or something like that. I think maybe they talk about their chains more but I'm not there to document it. I'm not some fucking stenographer.

Anyway, so they fucking melt that shit down in a dirty spoon with a butane torch and then inject these chocolate eggs and then you eat that shit and then you get diabetes but you don't give a fuck. You also don't care that it looks like some unhealthy junkie finished up his business in your snack (i.e. slapped his cock around until ejaculation). Whatever. This fucking snack rules. It could look like two Germans finger banging each others' dickholes and I would love the shit out of this. For the record I don't think all German dudes finger bang each others' dickholes. I just had a mental image of these brawny Euro dudes enjoying some cockplay and in my mind they were German.

So look, this snack is fucking cream and sugar and chocolate and it doesn't sound like much but unless you've been living in some fucking Mennonite community your whole life then you have no excuse for not eating and loving the fuck out of this. It's like eating syrup made up of fairies and kittens whiskers. Nom Nom Nom.

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