Little Debbie Chocolate Chip Creme Pies

I would like to preface this entire review by stating my penchant for all things Little Debbie. They can do no wrong. From the fox on the box to the sweets that can’t be beat: Little Debbie is and forever will be What’s Up.
Example- Little Debbie: That’s What’s Up.

The first time I fell in love with Little Debbie was after sneaking into an ex-girlfriends’ house while she was away and stealing a box full of these and then peeing in her pool (from the deck). I walked home eating the entire thing, completely fucking ashamed that I, as an avid snack lover, had not yet sampled what I have since deemed to be the greatest cookie related snack that has ever existed.

I don’t have these very often because unlike Coke I worry that it won’t have the same magic if I scarf that shit down everyday. It’s like butt play. Putting your wiener in a girl’s pooper is fucking incredible but it’s even more incredible when it happens out of the blue or only on Friday nights after Battlestar Gallactica. If you had it everyday you would take it for granted and get used to your axe handle smelling like inside of a bathhouse.

The point is, these are fucking magic and I want to make sure it stays magic for as long as I’m able to eat them (i.e. until adult-onset diabetes).

This snack is basically two cookies with a cream filling except that the cookies are so incredibly soft they stop becoming cookies and become cakes. It’s like they fucking decompose and evolve at the same time. Darwin’s probably rolling over in his grave but when he gets to his stomach his boner is so huge it props him up and his bony ass bobs in the air.

Here’s how clouds are made:
All air has water in it but near the ground it’s a fucking pussy and hides out in the form of some shit called water vapor. Warm air is like a boner. When air gets warm it gets fucking horny as shit and expands and then it cools down. The thing is that cool air can’t hold in the water vapor the same way that the warm air does (because it’s a fucking baby) so some of the fucking vapor condenses onto the little baby pieces of dust that just sort of dick around in the air and then they fuck and make little babies (i.e. tiny droplets). When all these droplets get liquored up and organize a big dirty gang-bang, that’s called a cloud.

Imagine that the droplets were replaced by petting zoos, getting a promotion you don’t deserve, and nailing your girlfriend and her sister in a fucking mind-blowing three-way. Now imagine that they then formed a cloud and then you ate the cloud. Well that’s exactly what a Little Debbie Chocolate Chip Creme Pie is like.

Go buy it now. And then have a three-way with girlfriend and her sister or your sister and her friend.

Scotty Shows You How to Make Snacks In an Effort to Get Your Weiner Touched: PB Cookies

Alright Gentlemen,

Ever feel like there was the opportunity to get your ding dong rubbed up against but you missed the chance? Here's the solution: Roofies. You just slip a little in a woman's drink and her body becomes a playground for your pervert hands to run around on.

I'm kidding (but seriously it works). What you should've done was bake. Women love a man who can cook and make them all kinds of shit in the kitchen. It lets them know that when you get married they can get fat as fuck and watch reality TV on the couch while you do everything. Women love the prospect of getting fat more than they love complaining about their periods and being bad at video games.

If you're looking to get a woman's hopes up about you only to sneak out of her apartment in the middle of the night and never call her again after hours and hours of defiling her then I whole-heartedly recommend baking. It's like Spanish Fly, women cannot keep their legs closed for a man who can bake. Lucky for you this marks an exciting new feature at Snack Sabbath: Scotty Shows You How to Make Snacks In an Effort to Get Your Weiner Touched. I was going to show you how to make Snakes In an Effort to Get Your Weiner Touched but I didn't want to put my dick in a Viper.

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Here's the bullshit you will need:
-1 cup of Peanut Butter (I don't recommend the kind of pb your grandmother eats where you have stir it back to life every fucking time you want toast)
-1 cup of Sugar
-1 Egg

-OPTIONAL (but recommended): Crushed up Reese Peanut Butter Cups or M&Ms. Any candy will work actually but gummy shit is gross in cookies and if you like it you should probably go back to your rave and wear your size 50 jeans and fuck with your glow sticks you asshole.

How to Make It:
-Preheat your oven to 400°F / 205°C.
-Mix your ingredients in a bowl.
-Roll up whatever size balls you want (this will determine cookie size, idiot).
-Place on a non-stick cookie sheet.
-Pop them in oven.
-Wait 8-10 mins.
-Take them out and serve.
-Refuse to wear a condom when you get busy.

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And there you have it, the easiest recipe I know. If you can't make this then you're a piece of garbage and an A1 dickface and I highly recommend shoving things in your dickhole and trying to breathe under water.