Sometimes a thing is awesome and then adding something that is also awesome to it makes it different but awesome in a different way.
Here is an example of what I mean: Sometimes putting your ding-dong in a girl’s veej is awesome and sometimes peeing is awesome and combining the two is different but awesome in a different way. In case you can’t do the math let me math it out for you: PEEING IN A GIRL’S VAGINA IS HILARIOUS (and according to sex ed in grade 8 she can’t feel it until it runs down the inside of her thighs and butt crack; I asked).
Here is another more Snack related example: Coca-Cola is awesome and Coffee is awesome and combining the two is a different awesome in a different awesome way. If you were a doctor of waking the fuck up at 6:00 am to go work at a puppy mill you would have invented your own combination of the two called “Dr. Puppy Mill’s Wake Up and Murder Some Puppies That Didn’t Sell Juice” but you work in a bank helping degenerates order new checks so Coca-Cola had to invent it for you. It’s called Coke Blak and I’m about to review the shit out of it.
The downside to this review (aside from the fact that we aren’t face to face so that I can scream it into your ugly, sweaty mouth) is that Coke stopped producing Coke Blak, deciding to sell off the remaining supply and call it a day. That was in 2006. So basically after I fucking sell you so hard on this product you won’t ever be able to hook it up for yourself, which is pretty lame of me, sorry.
Coke Blak was never made widely available in Montreal. It was only ever made available at random locations for a period of about 2 months. I never saw any marketing campaigns for it around here ever and never heard anyone talk about it. It was the best kept secret of the cola world. It got a slightly bigger push in the states (where I first sampled it’s sweet caffeinated nectars) but still had a super short availability to the public. Bummer.
I can’t recommend this drink enough. I know the combination of cola and coffee doesn’t sound super appealing and I’ll admit the prospect of it didn’t get the blood flowing to my flaccid penis but after the first sip I was hooked. It’s delicious brown magic. It tastes like burnt marshmallows and black-tar heroin. It’s poison. It’s like drinking abortion shame and spying on your sister while she pees. It’s a cocktail of caffeine and self-loathing. This drink makes me fucking hate myself for loving it as much as I do. The combination of these two ingredients is vile and sour and oaky but I can’t help but mess where my bathing suit covers every goddamn time I have a sip.
Pros
-Fucking Awesome
-Fucking Awesome
-Fucking Awesome
-Fucking Awesome
-Fucking Awesome
-Fucking Awesome
-Fucking Awesome
-Fucking Awesome
-Fucking Awesome
-Fucking Awesome
Cons (and these are only cons if you are total baby with no pubes)
-Tastes like Demon afterbirth
-Will make you hate yourself in deeper and more profound ways than you ever thought possible
-Is fucking evil
-Is impossible to find anywhere
This drink is fucking awesome (see “Pros”) and if you ever see this anywhere drink it immediately then throw your pregnant mother down the stairs as the evil of this drink devours every part of your soul. This drink will fill your masturbation vault (or spank bank if you will) with images of snakes eating live sheep and owls ripping apart a field full of fetuses. This drink will ruin you. The only way you’ll ever be able to cum after you drink this will be when you’re pooping or beheading a neighbor.
Buy it on sight and send some to me. Seriously I will fucking paypal the shit out of you if you have any of this lying around.
Drink Coke Blak immediately if not sooner. It will rape everything good right the fuck out of your life.
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