Thursday, November 6, 2008

Honey Glazed Bun by Rondeau Cookies Limited

The Honey Glazed Bun is part of my breakfast routine more often than I would like to admit. I pretty much never have time to eat breakfast, because as much as I love food, I love sleep equally. Equally, you ask. Yes, but, breakfast involves a chore, and sleeping does not, so I pretty much get a smoothie or random garbage on the way to work every day. On days that I'm late, I go into work first, then head over to the vending machine. I am by far it's best customer. By the time I get to work I am fucking starving and the honey glazed bun just happens to be the largest item up in that bitch, and it's only $1.50. Let me be honest right off the bat: it's not that good. I checked this local companies website for an image of it and they don't even fucking mention it once. I almost feel bad for this slimey, gooey mess of a snack. But I don't. It's sub par, and it's not even that filling either.

A few months ago I was talking to this chick on the internets and pretty much the only thing I would talk to her about was how I was going to put it in her ass. This was not just because I'm a pervert and my mind has been fouled by reading Scotty's posts but also because she was boring and I didn't want to talk to her about much else. This morning snack was as much a morning ritual as talking about deep anal penetration to this girl was, so I soon addressed the topic as "glazing her buns". Pretty soon I figured that honey is yellow, and pee is yellow, so this snack had to be some french guys' dirty metaphor for peeing on a girls' ass cheeks. And I just didn't know if I was into that. Sure, I'll pee on a girl, I guess, like maybe in the shower, which the girl in question had apparently done with an ex before. Like she let him pee in her mouth and shit. Disgusting. But yea, peeing on a girls' ass? That's just fucking weird. It's kind of cool just because it's dirty, and if you're really that horny it probably rules but in general terms, it's just gross and messy. The same mindset applies to this snack. Unless you are starving like me on a monday morning, don't eat this. You will feel the way a girl feels when she just got creamed in the mouth by a guy that doesn't respect her. You thought it was a great idea, cheap and huge, you like the familiar taste, but now you're covered in sticky goo and you feel empty inside. Wow, I'm never going to eat this again. Especially now that I looked at the wrapper and it says 640 motherfucking calories. What the fuck! It's not even that tasty! Fuck this shit, don't eat this. Oh, and I never ended up putting it in that girls ass either because I met a way hotter girl and stopped talking to her, a situation similar to how I'm about to meet a nice Chocolatine Gondole from Andalos and never think about honey glazed buns again.

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