Friday, January 30, 2009

Perrier Lime

I am a big sloppy dude. I am quite literally a mess. I don't always remember to pull back my foreskin when I pee. It's safe to say that I do not display the qualities you would typically associate with royalty. So in order for me to feel like the fucking prince of some distant and magical nation I will not be able to rely on any sort of natural ability. That's where Perrier Lime comes in.

Never has a drink made me feel more like I should be wearing a crushed velvet cape and carrying a giant peasant smashing scepter. I'd be furious because they did not carve the stink lines over my dick like I asked when making my giant bronze statue. Then my rage swells and I kick the giant statue over and I crush the peasants. Then I pull my wiener out ever so slightly and then I smash it with my scepter and then I cry. And then I eat a handful of grapes and then I cover myself in perfume instead of showering. Being a prince fucking rules. Then I go to the money making spot and pose for pictures so that I can be on all of my nation's currency. I make all my friends Earls and Dukes and then we fucking go fist fight other nations. Hey Zimbabwe you fucking eat dicks at fencing and your penmanship is bogus and then we pull out phone books and smash them in their faces. We would then continue to Russia, hopping and skipping all over the map as we fucking please.

This drink didn't taste very good the first 34 times I had it but because I'm not a quitter (except at raising illegitimate children) I kept at it. Also it doesn't really taste like lime. It actually tastes more like the way dish soap smells which I guess is sort of awful.

Umm... this drink really isn't good come to think of it, but I buy a bottle of it like four times a week. I think I just like the bubbles. I can't think of anything aside from carbonation that makes this drink worth drinking. I guess the name does. It's pretty fancy. If it were named Steve's Bubbles I wouldn't drink it. Actually that's not true, I would but for different reasons. This drink is pretty bogus. I wouldn't have reviewed it if I didn't have bottles of it lining my desk and recycling bin.

So in conclusion, if you can buy a bottle of bubbles then go ahead, otherwise you can buy this, it has bubbles.


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