Monday, September 22, 2008

Banana Split Creme Oreos

Oreos are pretty good and apparently Vegan but I don’t know for sure and don’t care either way. Fuck it, they’re Vegan. Go eat them Vegans. Also the new Angus Burgers at McDonalds are Vegan and so is everything at Outback Steakhouse.

I like Oreos. Just like. I’m not one of those fucking weirdos that thinks it’s the greatest cookie of all time. That honor goes to any of the Peek Freans Shortbread Cookies. The only “greatest” that Oreo has hooked up is their ice cream sandwiches. But their regular cookies are just decent.

On a recent excursion to America I procured a box of Banana Split Creme Oreos with the intention of eating 2 or 3 and laughing at how disgusting they were then pawning them off to anyone who was fool-hearty enough to give these a sampling. I had one and knew no one else was getting any.

This was like the first time I spewed forth mighty ejaculate from my pipi. I had the opportunity to have this previously but I never knew it was this fucking awesome. Now I’m all about giving myself orgasms and eating Banana Cream Oreos. Other pleasures I never knew were so awesome but tried and fell in love: Fresca, and sniffing my finger after scratching the meat of my anus.

Banana Split Creme Oreos taste like if you filled an Oreo with the banana medicine your doctor gave you after he put you to sleep and diddled you like a fucking maniac. The only way you cannot like banana flavoured penicillin is if you had allergies and wore glasses and loved to eat your scabs as a child.

Here’s the deal: Penicillin is good for you and Oreos may or not be Vegan which is good for you, so eat this healthy food or you will get cancer.

These are probably the most artificial tasting fruit flavoured things I’ve ever eaten in my life. But fuck it, if I wanted to taste something God made I’d eat bagful of hatred for gays and not allowing women to vote. God made Aids when he made Noah do it with a monkey so it probably means that eating actual bananas will force you to beat your son’s head in with a rock to appease Him (which I recommend).

God is a weird dude. He picked the name God knowing full well that if you jumble the letters around it spells dog and everyone knows dogs eat there own poop and make women get abortions. That’s like Kevin Spacey keeping the name Lou Sable Cablastlk knowing that his name was an anagram for Absolute Ball Sack.

This tastes awesome and you need to eat it because it will make you better at sports and getting excellent grades that your parents will be proud of. Not to mention it taste like fruit flavoured poison. Honestly its really good despite most of this review sounding sarcastic. I sincerely recommend eating this food.

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