Cranberry Juice

Ever wonder what the inside of your dick looks like? Well I don’t. Here’s why: Cranberry juice. Not only is this delicious as fuck but it’s good for the old cock tubes and junk.  So I know that my semen sewer is fucking top shape. I got the Alaskan pipeline between my legs thanks to this tangy fuck.

Also awesome: it’s the color of blood and mixes well with both club soda and/or vodka. 

I have no interesting story as to when I got into this beverage but it’s probably around the time I decided I didn’t want to piss chunks of cement out of my wiener opening. At any rate it’s awesome. It’s like if lemonade were made of blood and cock clump destroying enzymes (or some other science shit).

Cranberries are cultivated by drowning grass like witches and then shaking trees (thanks internet) and then they squish them and then add anti-oxidants. The end.

This review probably won’t make you want to drink this juice but you’re a pussy anyway and won’t even appreciate it unless you want to ease off the blood when you’re fucking with your Ouija board in the graveyard at midnight.

Drink this if you have a dick and/or are desperate to be a vampire but don’t want to commit all the way.

CRAAAAANBERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!