Monday, February 16, 2009

Jones Fun Soda

On Saturday I went to a show across the street from a candy store. At this candy store they had Jones soda. I do not like Jones soda very much, but I feel compelled to try every flavor at least once so I can proudly look myself in the eye when I walk by reflective surfaces/mirrors. As luck would have it they had two discontinued flavors; Fun and Peachy Keen. As the title of this post suggests I will be reviewing Fun.

I was stoked to find this because it isn't on my list of shit to drink. I figured it would be too hard to find and not worth my while at all. Then I became even more stoked because at no point in purchasing this did I ever consider what it might taste like. I only bothered to make sure there wasn't any pineapple in it (I'm allergic to pineapple and girls with huge nipples).

I cracked the top and it stank like fish guts and Mr. Clean. I know the picture doesn't do it justice but it's day-glo yellow. This looks like a pair of "Hammer pants". This drink was not good. At all. But the thing was, I really wanted to see where it went. I kept thinking I was getting close to figuring out what it tasted like but it never happened. It's like getting a painful HJ while blindfolded. You have no idea if it's a guy or girl but either way it hurts. They're pulling the foreskin back a little too far and you start to bleed. Instead of tapping out you hold on in the hopes of having an orgasm but you never cum. You limp away bleeding and confused and scream like a banshee every time you take a piss for the next 3 and a half weeks. You're left sore and disappointed.

That accurately defines the experience I had both in a Lebanese bathhouse and while drinking this.

This whole fucking thing was some crazy mystery. This drink is bullshit. The only reason they called it "Fun" is because the name "We Don't Know What the Fuck this Is" wouldn't sell shit.

This is so bogus.

*Yes that is Stewart's Ginger Beer wallpaper on my laptop. I really like their Ginger Beer.

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