Monday, February 2, 2009

Old Grandad's Mexican Chips

On Saturday I was informed about the goodness of Old Grandad's chips. I had never heard of them because I'm an ignorant fuck. Embarrassed that I had not sampled this supposedly delectable treat I decided I would scope it out sometime during the week. Well as luck would have it the store in my building had a dickload. Honestly, they have everything. I'm not kidding, it's a fucking snack mecca.

So anyway I see these chips and then decide I'm in the mood to cry when I shit later so I got "Mexican" flavour.

Side Note: I would like to say that the makers of these chips are ridiculous. I know it's commonplace to paint flavours with broad and obtuse generalizations but Mexican isn't a taste. Sure there are common components in Mexican food but it's not like everything about (true) Mexican cuisine can be summed up by making shit spicy and taste mildly like limes. That's as fucking stupid as having a bag of "Canadian" chips taste like Maple Syrup, Beer, and Scorn for America. This is fucking ignorant snacking.

These chips are identical to Miss Vickies. Exactly alike. Honestly if there was some sort of fucking chip line up where I was blind and then had to eat chips in order to determine who fucking stole some doubloons or whatever, I would most likely send the wrong chip to prison. Miss Vicky would be crying: "Please no it wasn't me, I was at home with my kids watching Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader. I don't even know what a doubloon is. What about my kids? WHAT ABOUT MY KIDS?!?!?!?! DON'T LOCK ME UP!!!!!!!!". And then the young hot-shot cop, fresh out of the academy would say something like "Lady, where you're going other women are going to lock up your vagina with their fists and mouths". And then the other cops would high-five him even though that didn't make a lot of sense.

Either way these chips are a blatant rip-off of Jalapeno Miss Vickies.

Seeing as I couldn't find anything about the company listed online (I gave up after 23 seconds) I will assume that the "Grandad" of Old Grandad is actually an acronym for:


If you fucking eat these chips they will infect you with their nano-virus and turn you into a fucking cyborg that will be under control. They'll make you late for work and get you arrested for jerking your dick off on the bus and then the judge doesn't believe you because the nanites make it seem like you're lying. No one understands the fucking plight of a horny cyborg.

1 comment:

Sheesh said...

hey dude.. these aren't a rip off of Mrs. Vickies.. if anything, miss vickies is a rip off of these.

I remember buying these 20 years ago in the arcade while skipping high school. Back then they were called ol grandads jalapeno though.. not mexican.

Mrs Vickies didn't show up on the scene until 1985.