Sunday, February 8, 2009

Sangria Senoral

I love soda. I love soda more than most people love getting their dongs rubbed up against. And it was with that in mind that I’ve been on a recent quest to acquire and consume as many different beverages as possible. Today was day one of my quest. It is not off to a great start. While I did pick up some RC Cola (guaranteed awesome) I also picked up some Sangria Senoral.

I can say with absolute confidence that this is the worst drink I have ever consumed. Admittedly I like some vile shit. Black licorice. Coke Blak. Sardines. But this is above and beyond my horribly low standards.

According to the various sources of information on the internet, this thing has a cult following which I guess makes sense when you think about dudes that live in a compound and drink suicide Kool-Aid. People are known to group together and do stupid shit. Exception: LARPers. So I can see people loving this with their entire souls. But those people are witches and need to be burned at the stake.

Sangria Senoral is marketed as a delicious alternative to alcoholic sangria. I don’t drink but I know what sangria is supposed to taste like and this isn’t it. This is poison. POISON.

It tastes like someone took an old garbage bag and then dumped grape juice in it, then pissed in it, then went and filled it up with whatever they found in the dumpster behind the abortion clinic and then blended it and poured into some sketchy bottle and then labeled it with tribal tattoos. This fucking drink sucks ass. I do not suggest you ever drink this.

I haven’t ever been more displeased with a beverage related purchase in my entire life. Imagine every bad thing I’ve ever said in every single review and then multiply it by the number of pubes I have and then ram it in your ass and then set yourself on fire. You would just be scratching the surface of how much this fucking sucks.

I hate this drink with all my heart. It’s the worst.


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